Friday, 18 February 2011

An odd side effect

My usual part-time work that I occasionally manage to squeeze between school runs has been severely, or to be more accurate, fatally effected by my now constant sciatica. That really should be SCIATICA read with a very deep Grim Reaper-esque voice. If anyone has not experienced the pleasure of being inflicted by this particularly nasty ailment I will try to describe it for you. Imagine, if you will, a poker that has been heated until white-hot. Imagine that very same poker being repeatedly dipped in napalm and then inserted at base of spine and thrust down the inside of your leg until it protrudes from your big toe. Then, having been allowed to cool just long enough to attach itself to your entire nervous system, being ripped out. That my friends is SCIATICA, although in the interest of health and safety I should point out that I haven't actually tried the comparison I so can't guarantee the results, or the well-being of anyone that feels like having a go.

Most people who suffer from SCIATICA have had some kind of back injury but for me it is just a symptom of injuries sustained in a rather nasty motorcycle accident a long, long time ago. My Uncle Eddie would very much like me to tell you about my leg, and I will, in due course, but not today. For the time being lets just say that one leg is shorter than the other.

As if my usual pains were not enough I have recently been afflicted by night cramps. Just two words, sounds so innocent! If any of you have had simultaneous cramp in toes, calf and thigh at 3am you might have a more descriptive phrase than night cramps! At the doctors today I mentioned this new development and was prescribed Quinine which will also get rid of any malaria I may have picked up.

I was at Maggie May's house (after a lovely day with Eddie Bluelights) when I opened the Quinine and she suggested I should read the literature to make sure there were no hideous side effects. Good idea I thought, so I read the list aloud. "Can cause kidney problems, breathing difficulties, blood disorders, heart problems, muscle weakness, fluid retention, sciatica and leg shortening". "What?" exclaimed Maggie, "surely you aren't going to risk that! What on earth is wrong with your doctor giving you something like that!". There was a pause while I kept a completely straight face. "Leg shortening?" said Maggie, "leg shortening?".


Eddie Bluelights said...

Good news about the legs shortening, MAYBE!! It didn't say which leg!! LOL
So it could either make the legs equal in length OR exaserbate the situation by making the short leg even shorter!! LOL
Maggie will fall for anything LOL
Great to see you yesterday and I am glad you are posting about that horrific motor cycle accident, which is far from funny. I will tell them all about how I cured my Sciatica one day LOL

They all would have been highly amused to see us all limping along across the room when we got out of our chairs to have our meal.

Eddie Bluelights said...

. . . . ohh! and I agree with Maggie about the risks of the side affects! Sounds risky taking Quinine! Heat, liver!! omg. But cramp is not nice! especially in ones hamstrings. I had it in both legs once!!
Loved your description of sciatica symtoms.

Teacher's Pet said...

Owwww! Sciatica hurts! Even through your pain, your post was humor-filled. I had to smile when I read Maggie's response to the side effects.....and then you know that I laughed out loud at Eddie's "It didn't say which leg!". (Awful, but I like him!) :))
Good to hear that you had a nice visit with family yesterday.
My husband had a terrible motorcycle accident..... It was the fault of the other driver (woman driving with an open beer can in her car....) She turned her car directly in front of Jack and it totalled out his bike (which wasn't a small bike) and it totalled out her car...which tells you the impact that happened. He was in the hospital for several days with a concussion, a broken nose, and a broken foot. One of his legs is shorter than the other, but that happened before the accident. The fact that one leg is shorter (or one leg is longer, whichever way you want to think about it) causes much back pain for him....always has.
I do hope that your pain subsides....and I'm with Maggie and Eddie about the quinine. The side effects sound horrible. Have you used a chiropractor?
I send smiles your way....hoping your day and weekend are lovely.

Maggie May said...

You really had me taken in when you were reeling off the side effects from the quinine packet. Sciatica & leg shortening indeed! LOL!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Clare Dunn said...

Your description of the sciatica pain is SPOT ON! I injured my back (a hundred years ago - during a foot-race with my youngest son) and the resulting torture was just that!

Fortunately for me, the back injury healed completely. but I will never forget the agony.

And so, I sympathize...and hope that you can be pain-free soon.

Best wishes,

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Just found you through Maggie.... After chuckling at her. I had sciatica after a back injury too. I had orthotics to correct the leg issue that was causing it all and was told to change jobs etc. I developed excruciating cramps and blamed it as part of the back. One day my mother watched an attack and suggested I eat some salt worked too! Total clearance. I guess my diet and meds might have created an imbalance.
The good news is a really good physio taught me how to apply the right stomach exercises and i strengthened them to provide back support and am now pain free. Not even needing the orthotics.
I do hope you find something to help.
Fi :)

TechnoBabe said...

When I get cramps during the night I hobble to the living room and plug in the massager and massage my legs till I can walk again. And it is a sign that I have not been drinking enough water. So I drink water till my stomach gurgles for a couple days. Keeping hydrated is what prevents the cramps for me. Sciatica is indeed very painful. Have you gone online to find exercises to eliminate sciatica?
I sympathize with you and hope you are pain free soon.

Suburbia said...

My mum always reads the side effects leaflet, you'd never take anymore pills in your life though if you imagine it will ALL happen to you! I try to ignore these scary bits of paper!

Sorry you are in pain

San said...

I came over from Maggie's. What an excruciating description of sciatica. Sounds horrific. I've had a touch of those night cramps, limited to my ankles, feet, and calves. That's bad enough. Can be almost paralyzing. I cannot imagine it in a more extensive area, as you've described.

Be well.

Suldog said...

Leg shortening! From which end?